military aviation jokes military aviation jokes

These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. 49. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Airmens mess, sir.. 10. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. 4. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Individual use is by implied consent. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. We recommend our users to update the browser. Read more. 2. The Army will post guards around the building. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. 4. They throw out a pistol. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? An airplane! One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. "They're all mine. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Return to Humor Index. I was very nervous, she said. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. I was the cook.. 46. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Officer: Soldier. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. This is really good, he said. Ocean Pearl, I answered. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Do you want to hear about my plane?. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . It was PRIVATE. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Its a NO FLY zone! Soldier: Sure, buddy. USA: Choppers !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. 10. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. What do hungry Marines eat? Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! He then made his way to my side. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. They know how to take up space. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Marine: Wait, stop. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. How much noise can we make up here? Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Want more amazing military jokes? While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Later, I spoke with Mom. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. The INFANTry! Yes, she said. March forth! 11. Full Disclosure Here. Long Haul Even his son turned up. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Pizza de Resistance The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Me: Hello? The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. So I quit ordering it.. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. A friend paid my mother a visit. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. It was sheer brilliance. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Later, I spoke with Mom. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. 3. 17. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. At least SEVEN Cs! Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Where are you from? 65. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Now he likes peanuts.. Fish Food. 8. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Its where we park the helicopters.. Caller: Is Sgt. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience 30. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. 15. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. 1. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. A military captain saying I was just thinking What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. 37. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? [Answered]. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! 14. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . A drill serGENTLEMEN! How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. More information More like this Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. [Answered]. SUB sandwiches! We were a tough group. 42. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? They want their patients to see 20:20! "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. 39. Decodes 7. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Yes, said the lieutenant. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. If pilots screw up, they die. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Bad altitude. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? 3. Then one day I couldnt find it. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. The Blonde Fighter Pilot My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 13:30 comes and goes. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. She also liked her scotch. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes